Friday, June 1, 2012

Sandy Times

Sandy Times

Link to

Sandy Times

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 06:09 PM PDT

Bloopers in the church

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 05:47 PM PDT

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Evening massage – 6 p.m.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”

The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

Hymn 43: “Great God, what do I see here?” Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: “Hark! An awful voice is sounding”

On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Troll in the making

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 03:43 PM PDT

So I was searching creative ways to propose…

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 01:53 PM PDT

Well, there goes his childhood

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 09:06 AM PDT

Keep it in the basement..

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 08:01 AM PDT

David Feherty’s Best Golf Quotes

Posted: 01 Jun 2012 07:24 AM PDT

David Feherty a well known and funny golf commentator has put together his 6 favorite Golf Quotes:

1. “Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.”

2. “That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”

3. “I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He’s attending the birth of his next wife.”

4. Tommy Gainey’s grip: “They look like two lobsters trying to screw.”

5. Jim Furyk’s swing: “It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

6. “He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx card between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.”

AND, THE EXTRA ONE, DESCRIBING V.J. SINGH’S PRODIGIOUS PRACTICE REGIME:

“VJ HITS MORE BALLS THAN ELTON JOHN’S CHIN”
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)